Why do people find it difficult to talk openly about sexuality?
Or only talk about it in hushed voices?
Or garish sexualised comments?
For may people talking about feelings, sex, pleasure and relationships are often areas of taboo. They are not topics discussed in open and easy tones; even though these very things are represented and pointed towards in so many ways in daily living.
As soon as people learn I am a sex educator their eyes light up and invariably within a few minutes they have shared something about what is going on for them in their current or past relationship.
They have questions about pleasure and why we are not having more open conversations about sex and all its aspects.
I often wonder what makes people feel so safe with me to open up and share so quickly, and I feel it is simply because I am available, accepting and open. And people want to talk about sexuality and how it is affecting their lives, in beautiful or challenging ways.
I believe we all want more intimacy, honesty and trust with each other. One of the most common questions I get asked is, “Why does it feel so hard to have these kinds of conversations?
What I have witnessed in myself and others is that it is not about the topic of the conversation, it is about feeling connected with another person no matter the subject.
When a topic is laced with shame, negative experiences or pressure it can become tough to talk about unless we have the quality of relationship which allows for us to feel safe, accepted and held.
What I have discovered is the conversation tends to lean into discussing relationship and connection. How not being able to have open and honest conversations about sexuality impacts the quality of the relationship.
From my observations it is the inability to communicate and talk through the topic or experience and be with the big feelings which may arise. This is what causes the feeling of disconnection and stress in any relationship, the lack of skills to be with and communicate what we are feeling and feel safe doing so.
There is so much beauty in our sexual expression. I see in people a softness, an aliveness and a greater sense of wellbeing when they can gently open and have accepting honest conversations about sex and relationships.
We can only start to find each other when we have the possibility to build connection and feel connected…
It is not about being able to have conversations about sex, it is about being able to stay connected or find your way back to connection no matter the topic, situation or experience.
Noticing and sharing what you are feeling is important. It is important when you are sharing about your day and it is important when you are making love.
Do you speak to your children, your partners or friends about sex, pleasure, the beauty and the challenges?
Are you having conversations which are honest open and supporting of each other?
The first step for ALL personalised facilitation programs begins with the online application.
This work is for people who are ready and willing to do the work, to build the relationship they want.
If you are interested please email info@explorare.co.za.
